A running list of things only an African living in Zimbabwe for the past five years would say

While watching American Idol auditions: what happened to Norah Jones? She is dead?

While experiencing Tivo for the first time: you mean you can skip the commercials and the parts you don’t like? (five seconds of silence) That is beautiful, man.

When learning about presidential endorsements: who should care if Arnold Schwarzenegger from the movies is supporting that old man with the health problems?

When asked if he’s ever had Macadamia nuts: Are they tree nuts? We don’t have tree nuts, only ground nuts.

When offered a choice between Bud light and a pale ale: Light beer takes too much work for me to feel good.

Upon eating dinner prepared in 45 minutes: When did you start making this feast? You started on Sunday?

On Barrack Obama’s bid for the White House: He really should think about a name change, otherwise I do not see him getting very far.

Upon learning Barrack’s middle name was Hussein: This man is in real trouble.