Thursday, January 24, 2008

NBA All-Ugly Team (now accepting nominees)

Simmons and others often talk about the NBAs All-Ugly team, I decided it's time to nominate my own contenders. Any others that I'm missing? Some 80s players come to mind; Mark Eaton surely... (in no particular order, after #1)

1) Tyrone Hill: I'll take it to my grave he's the ugliest of the bunch. As I've said in the past, I don't know black ugly, but Ty Hill is black ugly.

2) Sheldon Williams: Sure he was a terrible draft pick (Brandon Roy, Randy Foye, Rudy Gay were the next three selections), but the Hawks thought that Sheldon was underrated. Well they were right; tell me that man's not deceptively ugly?

3) Sam I Am: the man who begs the question, did E.T. really phone home? Really? By the way, I once saw Sam, a Charm City native, at a Stallions game. A what game? If anything he was even more alien-looking in person. (UPDATE: Nevin makes a great point, Sam Cassell is Lou Gossett Jr. in Enemy Mine... it's uncanny.)

4) Chris Kaman: the Jackie Robinson of the All-Ugly team. Click here for a close up (children should not be present).

5) Peter John Ramos: A personal favorite that the Wizards drafted only to fill the void of the next nominee...
6) Popeye Jones: One time my Dad and I were watching the Wizards game and Steve Buckhantz goes, "What a play by Jones!" and my Dad looks at me and goes "who is Jones?" He wasn't trying to be funny, he didn't know, and for a second, I didn't either. By the way, it's worth noting that in my office I currently have a coffee mug with Popeye's, er, mug on it. My cousin Justin gave it to me during a wedding shower. Needless to say, it put my wife's "everyday china" to shame.
By the way, the joke has been made before, but it's a goodie: Has anyone ever seen Popeye and Sloth from Goonies in the same place? What about Peter John and Jar Jar???


Ryan Smith said...

My God, it looks like whomever was building Chris Kaman quit halfway through.

Justin Brown said...

I have a theory that Jordan is secretly working out PJ Ramos in Puerto Rico. PJ will return as a 7'6 monster with hands like Duncan, handle like Nash, a jumper like Allen, and a fro like Wallace.

zadecky said...

I'm pretty sure you could put Joakim Noah on here. The messed up hair, the acne, the nose. Still, if permitted, I would thoroughly enjoy intercourse with his mother. There, I said it.

Jay Z said...

Agree with Zadecky, gotta put Noah on there. He's in the same vein as Sheldon Brown. You feel like if they were born and hour and a half earlier they'd have cleft lips. Also, no love for Oden? I mean, he may have been a looker in his twenties, but at 45 he's gone seriously down hill. Plus, what about home town hero Manute Bol???