Thursday, January 24, 2008

NBA All-Ugly Team (now accepting nominees)

Simmons and others often talk about the NBAs All-Ugly team, I decided it's time to nominate my own contenders. Any others that I'm missing? Some 80s players come to mind; Mark Eaton surely... (in no particular order, after #1)



1) Tyrone Hill: I'll take it to my grave he's the ugliest of the bunch. As I've said in the past, I don't know black ugly, but Ty Hill is black ugly.

2) Sheldon Williams: Sure he was a terrible draft pick (Brandon Roy, Randy Foye, Rudy Gay were the next three selections), but the Hawks thought that Sheldon was underrated. Well they were right; tell me that man's not deceptively ugly?



3) Sam I Am: the man who begs the question, did E.T. really phone home? Really? By the way, I once saw Sam, a Charm City native, at a Stallions game. A what game? If anything he was even more alien-looking in person. (UPDATE: Nevin makes a great point, Sam Cassell is Lou Gossett Jr. in Enemy Mine... it's uncanny.)

4) Chris Kaman: the Jackie Robinson of the All-Ugly team. Click here for a close up (children should not be present).

5) Peter John Ramos: A personal favorite that the Wizards drafted only to fill the void of the next nominee...
6) Popeye Jones: One time my Dad and I were watching the Wizards game and Steve Buckhantz goes, "What a play by Jones!" and my Dad looks at me and goes "who is Jones?" He wasn't trying to be funny, he didn't know, and for a second, I didn't either. By the way, it's worth noting that in my office I currently have a coffee mug with Popeye's, er, mug on it. My cousin Justin gave it to me during a wedding shower. Needless to say, it put my wife's "everyday china" to shame.
By the way, the joke has been made before, but it's a goodie: Has anyone ever seen Popeye and Sloth from Goonies in the same place? What about Peter John and Jar Jar???

4 comments:

Ryan Smith said...

My God, it looks like whomever was building Chris Kaman quit halfway through.

Justin Brown said...

I have a theory that Jordan is secretly working out PJ Ramos in Puerto Rico. PJ will return as a 7'6 monster with hands like Duncan, handle like Nash, a jumper like Allen, and a fro like Wallace.

zadecky said...

I'm pretty sure you could put Joakim Noah on here. The messed up hair, the acne, the nose. Still, if permitted, I would thoroughly enjoy intercourse with his mother. There, I said it.

Jay Z said...

Agree with Zadecky, gotta put Noah on there. He's in the same vein as Sheldon Brown. You feel like if they were born and hour and a half earlier they'd have cleft lips. Also, no love for Oden? I mean, he may have been a looker in his twenties, but at 45 he's gone seriously down hill. Plus, what about home town hero Manute Bol???