Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Valley of the Stun

Since most experts feel strongly that Shaq is a bad fit for Phoenix, I’ve come up with ten non-basketball reasons the Suns sought The Big Aristotle:

10) League mandate to keep ‘the Canadian’ in line

9) Not wanting to pay a lot on long-distance calls and finding himself mysteriously absent from Sir Charles’ Fave Five, he needed to move within Chuck’s local calling region

8) He refused to live under Miami’s Hobbit ruler

7) Phoenix seen as less image conscious

6) McCain Momentum!

5) Phoenix-area hate crimes spiraling out of control

4) Anti-Irish backlash endangering O’Neal in Miami

3) Phoenix selected as location of Kazaam 2

2) Yeah, but it’s a dry heat

1) Fell in love with the city during “his college years

Maybe Lil' Penny just stalks too much?

6 comments:

zadecky said...

Awesome. Although I wish you would've somehow squeezed in a Fu-Schnickens reference in there somewhere.

WHAT'S UP DOC? CAN WE ROCK?

http://youtube.com/watch?v=RVqQJbskcJs

Mike LeGower said...

Well, I guess we know Donovan McNabb isn't headed to Miami at least...

Mike Roach said...

Little known fact: Shaq only got to play the gigantic, rapping, basketball-playing genie in the original Kazaam because Lou Diamond Phillips turned it down. The script is so strong, though, it was going to work either way.

Jay Z said...

I could maintain an entire blog, daily, writing about Lou Diamond Phillips. 80% of it's content would involve "The Big Hit," which was the pinnacle of his career...so far....

Mike Roach said...

My buddy Nick has a theory that Lou Diamond Phillips' career has never fully recovered from the fact that he didn't get a prominent role in "Windtalkers".

Jeff Rudnicki said...

Roach, we're anxiously awaiting your first post.