Sunday, May 31, 2009

Q and A

Throughout history, our singers and songwriters have asked countless questions through their works. I am here to answer those asinine questions...

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
The Clash

Judging by your own calculations, if you go there will be trouble, but if you stay there will be twice as much trouble. So, clearly, you should go.

Why Don't We Do It In the Road?
The Beatles

Come on, The Beatles. Besides being really uncomfortable, you aren't going to be paying attention to the traffic on the road! The only way to pull it off is to either pick a really quiet road, or to do it on the median. Let's be reasonable. Sure, we'd like to be able to do it anywhere, but we live in a society, damn it.

You see, this is what roads are for.

What Is Love?
Haddaway

Well, Haddaway, crack open your Merriam-Webster Dictionary and you will find that "love" is "strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties" or "a score of zero (as in tennis)". I have to imagine that your cries of "Don't hurt me no more" were a result of your significant other hitting you repeatedly due to your incessant asking of that question. Not only is the answer readily available through any number of sources, but girlfriends typically don't like you to question the nature of love in their presence. It makes them feel less important.

Where Is My Mind?
The Pixies

It is in your brain, which is located inside your skull.



Who Are You?
The Who

These are your fans, Roger Daltrey. They have come to see you play rock music.

What Child Is This?
Traditional

The child is Jesus. He is the infant founder and messiah of a new world religion that will take the world by storm! A more appropriate question might be, "What Song Is This?" since its religious content is delivered to the tune of "Greensleeves", which is widely (and wrongly) believed to have been written by one of the least religious men ever (Henry VIII) about one of the least religious topics ever (his abiding lust for his mistress, Natalie Portman).

"Hmm, I can never keep them straight. What child is this?" -Henry VIII

5 comments:

Mike LeGower said...

I am thinking about making this a semi-regular piece. Let me know what you think, or if I am copying somebody else I don't know about.

Wilson said...

Very good. I laughed a few times. I always wanted to know if you've ever seen the rain. Presumably you have.

Jay Z said...

Awesome Mike. Definitely make it a regular thing.

Ryan Smith said...

Who Shot Ya?

(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding?

the cat's meow said...

Funny!! need more..